30 Minutes to Decide
by Arcane Desires
Summary: Axel had thirty minutes in which to change his life. 30 Minutes to decide what to do and in that time he lost everything he wanted, everything he'd ever needed. What is there left for him now without Roxas? Read on to find out!


**Title:** 30 Minutes to Decide

**Artist:**ArcaneDesires**  
Pairings: **Kingdom Hearts (AkuRoku... sort of)

**Warnings:** Character death, Angst.

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own any of the boys contained within this fic, I just used them as I see fit. The boys and their world belong to Square Enix, Disney and Tetsuya Nomura. I make NO money from this at all. The song and it's lyrics are copyright to t.A.T.u. I do NOT own the lyrics or the song, nor do I claim to.

**A/N: **Well er I just felt like writing this for one of my other writing accounts elsewhere and thought I'd post this here in case anybody liked it. If you don't then that's your deal not mine. Don't like boylove then don't read cos this one kinda is about that. Though it's mostly just emo Axel... Angst yay! *flees to write her het fics again* To all reading this and thinking but this isn't Plans of the Hokage, well no, no it's not. It's not even Naruto based of course and I'm sorry but I am working on that one! *dashes off again*_  
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**~x~x~**

_Out of sight, Out of mind_

_Out of time, To decide_

The lanky redhead walked along the streets, his black soled boots scuffing the pavement and his piercing green eyes dulled to a lacklustre gaze. The tear drop shaped tattoos below his eyes were so poetically poignant now and he almost cursed them for being so. Nothing was the same anymore, his head was royally screwed and it was all because of one blonde kid. A kid who was gone now, he didn't completely know where, and he didn't completely know why but there was one thing he did know…

Roxas had left him with a whole in his chest where his heart should have been… had he had one anyway. He'd left him with barely a goodbye and before he'd had time to decide what he should do to stop him he'd been lost. Cast adrift in a sea of loneliness and aching need that couldn't be retrieved or made whole.

_Do we run? Should I hide?_

_For the rest, Of My life_

The thoughts that ran through his head had left him with an almost constant headache. The same thoughts that even now ran through his mind though he knew Roxas was already gone. _'Do I run after him?' 'Do I pull away and go forever?' 'Do I live the rest of my life without the one who made me feel like I finally had a heart just to ensure his happiness?' _He hadn't known the answers then and he didn't know them now…

_[center][i]Can we fly? Do I stay?_

_We could lose, We could fail[/center][/i]_

Was there a chance things could work out for them? With Roxas by his side he was sure he could fly to the moon and back. He was sure that he could do anything. Of course there was the chance that everything could fall about around them. They could lose everything they'd ever wanted but where was the point in loving someone if you didn't take that chance?

_In the moment, It takes_

_To make plans, Or Mistakes_

Roxas had been so excited back then, practically dancing and determined to follow through on his plans. It seemed it to Axel it had only taken him a moment to decide his course of actions. To the blonde they were well thought out plans, to Axel they had been mistakes. The worst mistake ever commited.

_Thirty minutes, a blink of an eye_

In the blink of an eye it was all over. Roxas had left, his days had become cold and lonely and only one fact remained…

_Thirty minutes, to alter our lives_

With his one simple action he'd altered both their lives forever. There was no going back now and oh how he regretted it.

_Thirty minutes, to make up my mind_

He'd had 30 minutes to make up his mind on whether to allow Roxas what he so clearly seemed to need or to be selfish and keep him as **he** so clearly needed.

_Thirty minutes, to finally decide_

In those 30 minutes he'd been frozen, unsure. He couldn't decide on a final course of action and he'd lost it all.

_Thirty minutes, to whisper your name_

He'd watched him go, Roxas' name a soft whisper that passed his lips but he'd said it too late and no one had been there to hear his plea, to hear him say that he should stay.

_Thirty minutes, to shoulder the blame_

The other's had been pissed and he'd taken all the blame. He'd claimed that he'd been unable to stop the feisty blonde therefore it had been his fault because in reality it was. It was his burden to bear, his blame to shoulder.

_Thirty minutes, of bliss, thirty lies_

He'd spent one night with Roxas, a blissful 30 minutes in which he'd truly believed that they could weather any storm and that they'd be with other always. But that time was gone, nothing but lies now…

_Thirty minutes, to finally decide_

He'd had the time they'd been together a tangle of limbs, whispered words and slow sensual movements… Had that time to show him what he meant, to decide what to do and he'd done nothing…

_Carousels, in the sky_

_That we shape, with our eyes_

His eyes turned to the sky, clouds drifting by as they formed shapes that brought back all sorts of memories and gave a defeated sigh as he walked along beneath the storm darkened sky.

_Under shade, silhouettes_

_Casting shade, Crying rain..._

People passed by, their shadows casting silhouettes that struck him. The pain so raw, so real that it felt like it was literally dragging him down into the dark as the shapes vanished with their owners movements. As the rain feel from the sky he stood there, no longer protected by the shade the awnings of the buildings and salty fluid slid down his face mixing with the rain battering down upon him until it seemed like he were literally crying rain.

_Can we fly? Do I stay?_

_We could lose, we could fail..._

_Either way_

"Roxas?" he whispered as his mind returned once again to his fate. Soft whispered words in his mind of that fateful night. _"Axel? Do I stay? Can we fly? We could lose everything. We could fail and I don't what to do…"_ Deep anguish in his voice he whispered his reply too late… "Stay," he told the now darkened sky.

_Options change, Chances fail_

_Trains derail_

If he'd have said that back then would Roxas' options have changed? His one chance had failed. He wasn't even there anymore, he gone off the rails and betrayed the rest of the organization and this was where he was now…

_Thirty minutes, a blink of an eye_

He watched Sora, those bright blue eyes so like Roxas' and yet so different, but if he blinked he could imagine it was his lover standing there not this strange male who somehow still pulled him in without even trying.

_Thirty minutes, to alter our lives_

Sora was in trouble and he had this chance to once more alter his life, once chance to make up for all he'd done.

_Thirty minutes, to make up my mind_

He didn't have long to decide and then it seemed he'd done it anyway as he moved forward. 'I've made up my mind, without him there is life…'

_Thirty minutes, to finally decide_

Those thirty minutes had passed by so fast and he'd finally decided but he almost backed down when those bright blue eyes turned on him.

_Thirty minutes, to whisper your name_

When it had become evident that Sora could not win the battle, he'd done the only thing he could do and now he was paying for it. As he lay there his mind drifted. He heard Sora's words and he gave the only reply he could:

"He...was the only one I liked...he made me feel...like I had a heart. It's kinda...funny. You make me feel...the same...."

'_Roxas,'_ he whispered to himself as he reached out for something only he could see.

_Thirty minutes, to shoulder the blame_

With his life fading before his very eyes he took the blame, he accepted it was his fault that Roxas had become lost to him and he accepted that he would now forever be without him. It was **all** his fault.

_Thirty minutes, of bliss, thirty lies_

Those minutes of bliss, the time that had turned into lies would both sustain him and drain him all at the same time. His entire life was just one lie after another, the happiness he'd sought was never his. It was never intended that he should have bliss, only pain and lies…

_Thirty minutes, to finally decide_

Thirty minutes to finally decide and he'd lost what he was looking for, only to give that same chance to someone else. That thought fortified him as the world around him blurred and began to vanish.

In 30 minutes he condemned himself to loneliness and heart ache, losing everything he needed and in another 30 he'd lost the world around him, lost himself…

_To decide, to decide, to decide, to decide_

_to decide, to decide, to decide, to decide_

_To decide.

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_**Comment's is luff people! Share the fluffy feelings wont ya?**  
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